From: "Michael Smith" Subject: So you say you want weapons? DSN-00 MAN PORTABLE FUSION CASTER W/ MULTIPLE PROJECTILE RAILGUN GRENADE LAUNCHER The latest development from DSN Industries, The people who brought you the POCKET BLACK HOLE DISPENSER. The DSN-00 combines the planet rending fury of a military grade fusion caster with the long range delivery capabilities of their patented railgun grenade launcher in one sleek package. Advancements in isolinear processing cores allow for not just another "smart gun" but rather a full artificial intelligence, now not only can you outgun your opponents but you can outthink them as well! Target acquisition is improved as well using a tachyon beam range guide, now you can not only find where your target is but thanks to the time/space quantum effects of the tachyon particle you can find "when" your target is too! The grenade launcher fires dsn's patented exodan style matter-interrupter grenades and can deliver a blitzkrieg assault of 100 grenades in a single burst, how's that for superior firepower. Also include in the standard package is a holographic icon-driven multi-optics field which includes the following: nightvision capabilities thermo-imaging telescopic imaging (5 mile range 100-1 ft imaging area) tachyon time-imaging target range guide polarizing light filter time, date, temperature and ammo display windows (for talking to your ai) The DSN-00 is available at most local dsn authorized dealers for the low price of ^300,000,000,000.99 sgc (standard galactic credits)*. DSN weapons for tomorrow...today! Special Features: the gun's AI is programmed with up to 10 skills at 88% proficiency, skills are chosen by the initial purchaser. The gun has hacking at 98% proficiency and uses an EM military field modem to access the dataweb. The gun's mass is supported by a null gravity suspension field and inertial compensators, recoil is shunted into a negative-dimensional space generated by the guns null gravity singularity. The gun maneuvers and targets itself with ten multi-positional non-ozone depleting reactionless thrusters. MANUFACTURER'S WARNING: when repairing the DSN-00 do not stare directly at the fusion core and under no circumstances is the user to remove the cover on the null gravity singularity in our dimension without proper precautions.above all! Do not stick hands or appendages into the singularity! DSN industries is not responsible for lost or obliterated planetary systems as a result of singularity destabilization. THE VORTEX - BLACK HOLE IN A CAN From the people who brought you the DSN-00, comes their latest in hyper-destructive weaponry. The Vortex - Black Hole in a Can. A single, grain sized singularity is contained within a powerful quantum nullifier field to maintain singularity stability. Vortex - Black Hole in a Can is about the size of your typical soda can or reality implosion grenade. To activate, simply pull the ring-top and toss it in the direction of your foes and presto...no muss, less fuss. A gravatic compensation disk allows even the weakest of sophonts to throw the Vortex - Black Hole in a Can like a champion b'ggnrrx grenade hurler. The singularity destabilizes after approximately .3 seconds of life, a digital timer allows you to maintain the quantum nullifier field for up to 30 seconds after activation!!!! The Vortex - Black Hole in a Can completely obliterates up to 200 square feet of the space/time continuum in a single use, talk about demolitions! The Vortex - Black Hole in a Can is available at most local DSN authorized dealers for the low price of ^49,999,999,999.98 sgc (standard galactic credits)*. DSN, weapons for tomorrow...today! Special Features: Digital timer allows pre-programmed detonation from .3 to 30 seconds. child-proof safety cap and thumbprint recognition plate make them safe around the house. An integral warning alarm sounds a pleasant chime to alert if accidental quantum nullifier field failure occurs, giving the user a generous 15 seconds to rid him/her/itself of the rapidly destabilizing and dangerous singularity. MANUFACTURER'S WARNING: Do not store the singularity too close to microwave ovens, dwarf-star matter, stasis webs or generators, quantum destabilizers, active telegates or hyperdense quasi-real space time distortions as such things tend to interfere with the quantum nullifier fields proper functioning. Do not puncture can with sharp implements or expose to extremes of temperatures such as plasma fires or cryostatic beams. Remember that the maximum safety distance between you and a rapidly destabilizing space/time distortion is at least 300 feet. Do not throw hyperdense space/time distortions or quantum entities into a singularity for any reason. Do not stick hands, feet, face or other appendages into the quantum nullifier field, as such action will result in the instant and rapid molecular decohesion of your body mass as your molecules lose all motion at a quantum level. DSN Industries is not responsible for damages to the purchaser or his dimension resulting from improper use or storage of singularities. ASX-WWII MK IV INFINITE COMPRESSION GUN The ASX-WWII MK IV Infinite Compression Gun is the brainchild of Dr. Rupert J. Hoffnagle-Chin of DSN's own Yerrgtth station research facility on Haufrec XXXVIII. After years of research Dr. Hoffnagle-Chin has perfected a means of imparting the mass of a black hole onto a target thereby collapsing it into an infinitely small space within .0000000000002 seconds of beam collision, literally a crushing defeat! Dr. Hoffnagle-Chin is renowned for his research into matter compression and its destructive effects, during his tenure at the University of Gaxxs on Nixon VII, he successfully collapsed the systems primary into a stellar mass the size of a golfball, obviously the man's credentials speak for themselves. We at DSN believe that quality in a small package is what the average consumer wants, well the ASX-WWII MK IV provides that, the twin compaction beam assembly and quantum mass-shifter is the size of a typical gunndrakkian hooftthrower, and twice as stylish, the whole assembly weighs in at 14 kilos and fits comfortably in the trunk of your average sports hover. The ASX-WWII MK IV comes with a virtual reality sighting system that gives you state of the art target acquisition with the precision you've come to expect of DSN's fine line of virtual reality sights. An integral mass refraction grid keeps the ASX-WWII MK IV from imparting extra mass onto the user accidentally, and a stylish pneumatic smart bipod allows you the freedom of movement and balance that is a professional armsman's right. The ASX-WWII MK IV is available at most authorized DSN suppliers for a pittance, only ^500,000,000,000.000 sgc (standard galactic credits)* DSN, weapons for tomorrow...today! MANUFACTURER'S WARNING: firing a ASX-WWII MK IV at any hyperdense material (such as entropyfree impluvium or a betelguesean hoagiesaur) can result in a backlash that will render the surrounding five miles uninhabitable for the next 300,000,000 years. DSN is not responsible for collateral damage from a backlash of this nature. LIQUID RHINO The Liquid Rhino is finally here! After years of research the research staff at DSN Industries have perfected a means of molding Cyberdyne's living liquid metal into an exact replica of the ever popular african rhino. The entire construct is "smart" with each molecule being a miniature machine/computer capable of processing sensory data at speeds that boggle the mind. The Liquid Rhino comes in a j-100 mass compensation can, pull the lid, pour the Liquid Rhino on any flat surface and presto! Instant rhino. The Liquid Rhino is programmed to react and function like a real african rhino, but under the user's complete control. A virtual reality uplink and assensing system allows realtime information relay between the Liquid Rhino and the user, and with DSN's new neural distortion shunt and brainwave calibrater, the user can literally experience the thrill of "being" and african rhino (a real blast for you simstim jockeys out there!). Liquid Rhino is available at most authorized DSN suppliers for a mere drop in the credstick, only ^144,000,000.000 sgc (standard galactic credits)* DSN, weapons for tomorrow...today! Special Features: The Liquid Rhino is above all things, a living computer. As a special feature the construct has the entire Encyclopedia Galactica permanently imprinted in its molecular database. The computer is capable of playing chess, poker, cribbage and parisi's squares and is fluent in 1400 languages including latin, vergeen and phlott. The virtual reality uplink and assensing system allows precision control and realtime information exchange and retrieval between construct and user, the constructs senses extend into the infrared, ultraviolet, ultrasonic and hyperolfactory. The construct has a memory capacity of 2.5 of a google of ROM, or 4.7 trillion years of active memory capacity (our rhino never forgets!). MANUFACTURER'S WARNING: some galactic states, cantons, provinces, hfllreefs or tobies prohibit the use or sale of living liquid metal constructs, considering such to be concealed weapons. DSN advises checking the weapons statutes of the governing body of your sector and obtaining a proper license if necessary. Prolonged exposure to radiation, stellar instabilities and lifeforms that communicate on em-wavelengths can damage your Liquid Rhino's sanity and molecular cohesiveness, resulting in unforseen and perhaps dangerous mutations of form and programming. In such an event it is advised that the owner consult the nearest available cyber-therapist, technomancer or heavy weapons dealer with great haste. Owners of Liquid Rhino's with serial numbers 1667778 through 2009934 be advised, some of these batch numbers have been infected with a nanocomputer virus that creates a 4 ton living liquid metal version of the fictional detective Nero Wolfe (not too terribly dangerous, but somewhat annoying), if your Liquid Rhino develops a fondness for bright if somewhat tacky clothing, thai food and orchids pack up the little fellow and ship it back to your local DSN distributor and it will be replaced free of charge.